I just found that article everyone has been talking about, that one from the British newspaper about the birth fo life on Earth, that one with the 72-point Times New Roman headline that reads EXCLUSIVE PICTURES OF BEING WHO FLICKED CIGARETTE ASHES INTO PRIMORDIAL MUCK.

Okay, I admit, the figure in the pictures and I share a startling resemblance. However, they believe the cigarette ash that began life on Earth was a Pall Mall Light 100, and unless someone proves otherwise, hey, I never smoked those ever.

I swear.

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