I am not ready to be old.

I am not ready to worry about my colon and my bald spot. I am not ready to accept my next sex as weeks away instead of hours. I am not ready to think about taxes and faxes over video and board games. I am not ready to never spend seven more minutes in the closet, or spin the bottle again. I am not ready to watch football without the prospect of playing it, live. I am not ready to listen to a bass line -- without the prospect of playing it, live. I am not ready to think of graying hair and sore muscles from waking in the morning, instead of what color to dye my hair today and oh-what-a-night-before.

I am not ready to not fear death.

I am not ready to think of any children other than me. I am not ready to go to bed and it means to sleep. I am not ready to need tv. I am not ready to not 'get' music. I am not ready to understand that politics make no difference, or that government goes far beyond the Government. I am not ready to rant at being left out or left behind, instead of being left of center, or left in the lerch. I am not ready for money to be a curse. I am not ready to be cynical about war, or love. I am not ready to think about teeth decaying and chronic bad breath, unless it is what I taste inside another.

I am not ready to push so hard, just to stay the same.

I am not ready to be old.

So instead, I'll just be young.

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