Dear Jesus,

Hey, man, how's it hanging? Good, good. Just wanted to give you an update on things down here. Seems that whole 'slaughter thy neighbor' attitude has really caught on as a trend. Everyone is killing everyone, basically. And I'm sure you're going to just love this -- some of them are doing it in your name. Yeah, no kidding. I guess that 'peace and love and forgiveness' stuff just didn't, you know, have legs. Heck, even our own President of the USA is murdering people every day in your name. And not just our enemies (who are murdering for their own insanities), but also many Americans.

Jesus, man, I don't get it. Aren't we supposed to be progressing toward enlightenment? How does daily mass murder get us closer to Heaven? Did your Daddy-O really tell them all to do this, to kill incessantly? Seems to me your Dad's engine's running, but there's no one at the wheel. I mean, how does He expect us to have faith, when those who engage in deadly sins every minute of every day are the leaders, the elite, and -- according to them -- the only ones with hot tickets to Heaven? Doesn't Daddy-O realize that, frankly, he's a Deadbeat God?

I'd like to think I'm being hard on Him, that He's had a pretty tough job Himself, but it's getting pretty ridiculous down here. We can't have solar power. We don't have an honest government. We can't survive a day without worldwide mass murder. We can't speak our minds, share our views, or simply try to move the race toward an evolution into pure art. Imagine how nice that would be, a race of people dedicated to artistry. Imagine how beautiful the world would be.

Eh, what am I saying -- you know exactly what I'm babbling about. You did not preach murder, industry, chastity, anger. You preached peace on Earth and love thy neighbor. And maybe the fact that you were murdered, and so many have fallen since you, is the perfect evidence everyone has been looking for to support creationism over evolution. Because, let's face it -- this human race has not evolved one iota since the day we opened our first murdering eye. Sure, we've had a couple of high points, but even Hitler liked Vivaldi. Even Atilla the Hun wrote a children's book. Even George W. Bush likes baseball. Specks of enamel showing through a cavity does not mean a healthy tooth; if anything, we're still decaying.

Well, Happy Resurrection Day and all that, and I hope someone brings ham rolls to your party. They're delicious.

Talk to you next year.

Peace,
Chris

P.S.: Can you do me a favor, hm? Before your Dad immolates the entire human race in a senseless bloodbath, could you ask Him to just let the Red Sox play the Cubs in the World Series this year? I mean, it really is the least He could do. Thanks, Jesus.

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