The Ultimate Job Interview

"I'll need an office on the third floor in the front corner. All windows. I need to be able to look out and see my company Porche, and my company Lamborghini. I will need three computers in my office; one for doing the seventeen hours of work per week that I plan to invest in the position, one laptop to take home at my whim, and one desktop next to the 200-gallon saltwater aquarium on the credenza in the corner for surfing porn. I will require two secretaries, preferably a lesbian couple with untreatable nymphomania. My leather chair should have a built in massager, refrigerator, and urinal. In fact, I will need a private jacuzzi washroom accessible only by my office. My phone will be a video phone, and if the person calling me does not have one, I will have remote access to a circling satellite with infrared so that I may zoom in on them. My boss will refer to me as "Mister Master," and all will bow before me when I enter the establishment.

"With these minor requirements fulfilled I feel I will excel at my position, and become the best part-time fry cook McDonald's has ever had."

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