There are some who believe that the human body, if the mind is set in the right place, could simply dissolve into the ocean as the mind becomes part of the greatest existing entity on the planet. What with blood and seawater being twins at the ph level, this sounds more viable than apocryphal.

However. This does not apply at water parks, where the level of chlorine is so high it makes the wave pool dangerously close to bursting into nitroglycerine-type flame. I know this, because I swallowed a gallon of it and could breathe fire.

Luckily, I could not tell I was being poisoned by chlorine because my feet had burned off my body, my back had been scraped away by hundred-foot high slides, and my bald spot was being nested on by a cardinal which had obviously lost its original bright red egg.

But with the exception of the glory of the ocean (and despite the bird on my head and chlorinated lungs), there just ain't nuttin' nuttier than a wave pool.

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