Dear Canada,

I have finished my marketing analysis for your project to revamp the country's image this Summer, and I am happy to report that I have got great news for you!

After several months of extensive global research, I have discovered a fact that will singlehandedly change the global view of your country from that of a vast, frozen wasteland with a few cities full of 'hosers,' some of them 'French,' to a tourist paradise.

The fact is this: New Foundland is your untapped resource, and it will cost you barely a thing to implement my suggestion. The world over, New Foundland is known to no longer be "New." Oh, the appelation was all well and good in 1497, but let's face it, it is 2006 and it's just starting to look a little desperate (see my 2003 report to Massachusetts, entitled "Drop the New and Those Other Five States Will Look Lame"). So first off, let's change the name to "Foundland."

Next step is pronunciation. As even those with Canadian accents know, not a soul breathing pronounces the name "Found"land to rhyme with "Sound," but rather to rhyme with "Sun."

Yes, by now you understand my exquisite revelation: The "Found" -- to match the pronunciation -- should of course be revised to "Fun." And what've you got then? You've got an entire province of your country called

FUNLAND!

My fee, with travel and expenses, comes to $472,531.21 Canadian.

Cheers,

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