Road Notes, Milwaukee (Gen Mitchell International Airport)

8:31 - 8:57 A.M.

Q: Who is the last person on the planet you want to find the very cool 4" curved pocket knife shaped like an eagle's feather that you lost several months ago on your birthday?

A: The ATA Agent who has been rooting through your bag for the last 20 minutes frustrated with the fact that "something sharp" keeps showing up on the x-ray despite the fact that he has taken almost everything out of it.

B: The second ATA Agent, a woman, who comes over and finally takes out the last obvious item in the bag - a box of foil-wrapped Magnum condoms - and exasperatedly carries them back to the x-ray a la carte, obviously unimpressed with the fact that they're Magnums.

C: The third ATA Agent, who finally takes out his own knife, and with a few careful slashes (so as not to ruin the bag) frees the pocket knife from where it had been trapped and lost in a seam months before.

D: The crowd of travelers gathered in the security checkpoint who, when the knife clattered loudly to the aluminum table, let out a collective gasp nearly identical to those of the aghast citizens of Springfield.

If you said "All of the Above," you'd be ashamed of myself. I still think they could have given back the condoms.

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